SEUSS ON THE LOOSE

The wicked old poet woulda had a great time with the traffic developments downtown.  Y’know: Gay, Gay, goes both ways…  If you can remember back to Hop On Pop, Seuss pretty much got the Town Street conversion covered with a character named Mr. Brown.

Front Street?  Not so much.  That’s a bona fide tragedy; cuz the plans for the thoroughfare are pure poetry.  Like Town and Gay, Front is switching from one-way to a two-way passage.  The stretch that runs between Broad and Rich streets began the process in July of 2008; and the changes will continue this summer - all the way to Mound Street.

It’s hard to imagine how all this construction and lane reduction could possibly result in a more vital downtown.  Thank heavens us grown-ups don’t actually have to imagine anything.  We can look at other cities, and see that these layouts work (St. Louis and Chattanooga come to mind).  We don’t even have to look that far: look at the amazing hubbub that’s sprouted up on the aforementioned Gay Street since its conversion.

We can see downtown’s future in action; there’s no imagination required.  So then, what’s the role for creative spirits?

To find a freakin’ rhyme for Front.  Grunt?  Blunt?

Columbus is a smart, young city, which is good news for downtown.  People in their 20s and 30s are very entrepreneurial, and they gravitate toward downtown and the central city in high numbers.  They will surely leave their mark in the next several years.

Nowhere is the strength of this demographic more evident than in the Columbus blogging world.  Whatever the city lacks in good physical space, it makes up in good cyber space.  Witness columbusunderground.com.

Now we have a new blog by Leigh Householder called “downtown snob, a blog about life well inside the Columbus city limits.”  Here is a woman who truly understands a city.  She feels smug about walking on downtown sidewalks and thinks the Wonderbread Factory in the Short North is sensuous.  She aspires to simple pleasures in the public realm and understands that shared space is the essence of a city experience.

In her most recent blog, she challenges downtowners to score how well they know “Columbus’ ultimate downtown cool kid” Walker Evans.  I thought about claiming to be Walker’s lover, but settled on taking the test and scoring a miserable 3.

BROKEN RESOLVE

The secret to keeping New Year’s resolutions?  Aim low, my friend.  Even so, downtown is a den of temptation.  Let us help you lower your goals; we can edit your resolutions for success.

Otherwise, our resolution is to break yours…

RESOLVE TO DRINK LESS (than Lindsey Lohan)
C’mon.  Gay Street is proving to be the HQ for a burgeoning nightlife scene.  Flights of whiskey at Tip Top…

RESOLVE TO READ MORE BOOKS (or DVD covers)
The Main Library has FREE books to borrow.  On the way to the books, there are the DVDs.  Yes, the good ones; like Iron Man and Dark Night.  Highly recommended: put a reserve on American Movie (at least it’s a documentary).

RESOLVE TO EAT HEALTHY (occasionally)
Otero’s lets you design your own salad.  Make it a healthy one, then have some Dunkin’ Donuts (opening soon!) for dessert.

RESOLVE TO BIKE TO WORK (or ride the bus)
Hey, they’re both good for the environment.

RESOLVE TO SPEND LESS (on stupid stuff)
But invest in something smart for the long haul.  Downtown real estate has never looked better!

RESOLVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL (on Saturdays)
Franklin, CCAD, CSCC - even BalletMet! - have workshops and classes for the community that fit into anybody’s schedule.

RESOLVE TO REDUCE STRESS
Hello?  Falling in love is stressful, starting a new job is stressful, having babies is stressful.  Life is stressful.

Carpe diem and carpe diem DOWNTOWN.

What are you going to carpe diem downtown?

I have two wishes for 2009 to share in this blog.  The second of my two wishes is for the retail cluster at Main and Third to draw lots of customers.  It is the most extensive retail cluster in an otherwise lackluster downtown and will soon include 15 diverse businesses.

This area has three key blocks: South Third from Rich to Main; Main from Third to Fourth; and Fourth from Main to Rich.  Within this block are three clothing stores (Cj Daniels, T Jazz and Romanoff’s Tuxedo Classics), Zettler Hardware, two salons (Chez D’or and Jacob Neal), Graham Office Supply, Hawk Galleries, Flowers on Orchard Lane, Abeto Tailors, and Grisimer Tires.  The Little Palace, a wonderful “hole in the wall” is located here, and Liz Lessner is opening a new restaurant, Dirty Franks.

Outbound commuters provide a huge untapped consumer market for this area.  Unfortunately, on-street parking is prohibited during rush hour.   This problem is a fatal one for retail and brings me to the first of my two wishes: that the City eliminate its ban on rush-hour parking so retailers have a fighting chance to succeed.

NEXT YEAR…

Next year, let’s do a big holiday display.  Really big.  Like with a 12-foot Abominable Snowman that dances to music… and lots of twinkly lights; lights are important.

That’d be something wouldn’t it?

Sadly, a 12-foot Abominable Snowman falls under the category of “things you can’t find on Ebay.”

Time to call in the professionals.  Time to call in State Auto.  Broad Street’s State Auto has housed the biggest, best-est holiday displays for almost 80 years.  That’s right; it’s been going on since the depression, when founder Bob Pein wanted to bring a little extra joy to the season.

Today, State Auto’s Kyle Anderson offers some how-to tips for those who’d like to follow in Pein’s shoes.  He says, “Most of the figures are one-of-a-kind constructions with plaster layered and shaped around hollow wire mesh frames, then painted.  The Roman soldier is the only figure that is solid plaster, so he’s also the heaviest.”

Anderson continues, “The Mary seated at the center of the display is made of fiberglass.  For her face, we cast a mold from the face of an “older” Mary seated on the donkey.    Her hands are made from casts of a real woman’s hands.”

This sounds… difficult.  The only vaguely do-able part of the entire display seems to be the stable.  According to Anderson, the roof is made of hula skirts.

Meanwhile, back to Ebay.  Maybe State Auto will decide to unload some relics from Christmas past.  Check ‘em out:

I wish downtown looked as good as it did 50 years ago.  Downtown may now have a more impressive skyline and an NHL arena, but it had a whole lot more happening on its streets in 1958.

Broad and High never closed.  The Deshler Hotel had a 24-hour, street-level Rexall Drug Store.  A block and a half north on High Street at Long stood a seven-story J.C. Penney and six-story Union Department Store (now the Lofts at 106 and Southeast Mental Health, respectively).  Downtown had hundreds of street-level retail stores, and thousands of people filled the sidewalks daily.

The Greyhound Bus Depot site held the Central Market, an anchor for a Market District that included butchers, fish markets, and other grocers that stretched for a full block in each direction.  The Columbus Transit Company carried four times as many people as its successor, COTA.  Downtown had very few surface parking lots.  Nearly 30,000 people lived there.

To paraphrase James Howard Kuntsler, America then had a collective stroke and traded downtown for Polaris Parkway.

DIY Intervention

We’ve all seen those intervention shows.  It looks pretty easy.  Kidnap the victim, do lots of yelling and crying, then we group hug and it’s all-better: onwards to happily ever after.

It’s not that easy - at least, if you really-really-really want to help someone.  During the holiday season, we often shift our attention to those in need.  But for Jim Rose, it’s a 24-7-365 commitment.  Jim Rose works in outreach for Discovery Special Improvement District.

His goal sounds simple.  Rose says, “We take you from Point A to Point B… and Point A is wherever you are right now; and Point B is long-term housing.”

Much of outreach involves helping those who are without a home.  In this economy, it’s a problem - but a different sort of dilemma than you’d expect.  Rose shares some eye-opening facts about Columbus homelessness.  Panhandlers aren’t usually homeless, and most homeless aren’t panhandlers.  Moreover, most homeless people are neither addicts, nor seriously mentally ill.

So, what can we do?  Jim Rose does more than help the homeless, he also helps local businesses and groups who want to better serve the community.  Rose leads workshops for those who want to do some reaching out on their own.  As a starting point, he suggests checking out columbushomeless.org.  The site hosts an online printable document that lists the many resources available to the city’s homeless.

On Sunday, I talked to a woman at a baby shower who lives in Westgate, a beautiful neighborhood in the Hilltop.  Westgate has been “discovered” by many gen-X-age professionals and has seen an impressive influx of investment.

Jackie Barton and I lamented the absence of retail services or even a neighborhood coffee house or pub along West Broad Street.  Westgate is not the only neighborhood in Columbus with significant discretionary income and few or no walkable places to spend it.

Are High Street, Campus, Clintonville and Grandview Avenue the only traditional retails strips Columbus residents can support?  Sections of Parsons Avenue have been struggling for years to establish a sustainable cluster, and other strips have barely a pulse.  Downtown has some embryonic clusters.

When and where should the next wave of independent retail business land?  Does Columbus have the entrepreneurial talent to replicate the Short North?

GIMME FOOD

We all have that friend, that friend with everything.  What do you give the over-indulged person?  They certainly don’t need additional geegaws and hoohaws to create life clutter.

Food.  Food is love… then it goes away (just like love).  Okay, forget the analogy.  Food is a great gift for anybody.  Here are THE downtown food gifts for 2008.

THE Sauce
The cilantro sauce at El Arepazo has inspired insane raving fan clubs.  It’s so good, you’ll wanna drink it… and you actually can: the restaurant will sell you a bottle to proudly drink or present as a gift.

(And for the record, dunking is fine, but we don’t actually endorse drinking the stuff.)

Nuts
Nothing says you’re nuts like a big bag of cashews.  It’s a classic luxury nut found at a class establishment: The Peanut Shoppe on High.  For those who like sweeter nuts, New Orleans Pralines can be found right inside the City Center.

Coffee
One of the bestest-roasters in the city is right here in its heart at Gay and Broad Streets. Cafe Brioso roasts its own beans in the store, and it sells ‘em to java junkies.

Flowers and Champagne
Sure, it’s a little fancy.  You can still say it with roses and a bottle of bubbly (good for New Year’s) at Flowers on Orchard Lane.

Keg of Beer
Maybe your pal’s not the champagne-and-roses type?  Then get ‘em a keg of beer.  A specially brewed Elevator Draught Haus keg will be the hit of the office holiday luncheon too… if you can figure out how to get it to the ninth floor.

Dear Legislators:

Fifty years of public infrastructure investments and tax policy that reward unsustainable development at low densities is enough!  Stop bleeding your cities to subsidize cornfield construction.

People may want to live or open a business someplace with new roads, schools, sewers, water lines, sidewalks, gas lines, electric lines, parks and other services, but they should not expect someone else to pay for that privilege.  Likewise, if someone wants to build a big box store or live on a half acre or larger piece of property in a sprawling community, they should pay the full cost of delivering mail, distributing utilities, maintaining roadways, and other elevated expenses.

For all you fiscal conservatives entering the Statehouse, be smarter about how you dole out money.  There is a connection between how you spend money and land use.  Not seeing that connection is like not seeing the connection between sexual intercourse and pregnancy.  And the child support payments are a whole lot more expensive.